These are not our pick of the top Prime Ministers (or colonial secretaries/premiers if you’re talking pre-1906). Far be it from us to evaluate Prime Ministers on their actual form, performance or effectiveness. Instead we’ve selected based on tenuous connections between the position on the rugby field and the person’s politics, personality or physique.*
Number 1 Loose-head prop: Henry Sewell
Our first premier (actually colonial secretary) and hence takes the Number 1 jersey. Principled, he opposed using force against Māori and resigned from government over land confiscation policies. He promoted Māori self-government. The first Prime Minister was Hall-Jones (1906) so if you get asked “Who was NZ first Prime Minister?” in a pub quiz, you could either challenge the answer they give or thank us that you got it right.
Caps - 3 weeks, 1856
Number 2 Hooker: W. Nash
A solid number 2 but flawed leader, he had a reputation for indecision. As number 2 he served well as finance minister to Savage (see left wing) and Fraser (see Number 10) and helped create Labour’s social welfare system. He came into the Prime Ministerial team when he was 76 and was still an MP when he died at 86. His ‘Black Budget’ taxed cigarettes, petrol and beer. People were not happy.
Caps – 3 years (1957-60)
Number 3 Tight-head prop: J. Vogel
A heavyweight of NZ politics both literally and metaphorically and so comes in to anchor the scrum. He was the infrastructure man - borrowing heavily to build railways, ports and communications. He wanted to attract immigrants and so sped up the Crown acquisition of Māori land. He wrote a futuristic novel in which women were in charge of everything hence predicting the years 2001 to 2006. No relation to the bread.
Caps – 4 years (1873-5 and 1876)
Number 4 Lock: G. Coates
Lock is a hard position to select as there isn’t much of a connection between the position and politics – so we’ve simply gone with height. Coates was described as ‘tall, dark and handsome.’ A war hero and mates with Sir Āpirana Ngata, Coates was known to drop by construction sites for a beer with the boys. As Land Minister he was active in dealing with land claims and investigating land confiscations.
Caps - 3 years (1925-1928)
Number 5 Lock: G. Palmer
Another tall politician and a great complement to the laddish Coates, Palmer was briefly PM having received a hospital pass from Lange (see right wing). Hard working, academic and pointy headed, Palmer described NZ as ‘irredeemably pluvial’ ie rainy. A lawyer by trade, Palmer set up the royal commission that recommended adoption of the Mixed Member Proportional (MMP) voting system, passed the Constitution Act (1986) and did major work drafting the Bill of Rights Act 1990.
Caps – 1 year (1989-1990)
Subbed by M. Moore weeks before an election.
Loose forwards
We’re looking for players who will roll their sleeves up, do the hard yards, bring down the opposition and not be afraid to roam all over the political paddock.
Number 6: W. Fox
He led the government four or five times, depending on how you count things, between the 1850s and 1870s. He was your ideal loosie, more adept at tackling governments, stopping any initiatives, preventing players getting over the gain line than at actually governing. Would have made a good modern Republican. He was impressive in opposition but had few ideas about where to lead the country. His subordinates like Vogel (see number 3) therefore tended to take the lead. Foxton is named after him.
Caps – off and on between 1856 and 1873
Number 7: W Massey
Our second-longest serving leader. He was criticised for using his ‘Massey’s Cossacks’ to crush the 1913 strikers, supported the British Empire and believed in the superiority of the British ‘race’. However, he also kept most of the Liberals’ reforms, cleaned up the public service, increased home ownership rates and spent more on education. Seems to have been all over the political paddock. He signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 (and we all know how that ended!). Massey University is named after him.
Caps – 13 years (1912-1925)
Number 8: R Seddon (Captain)
Our longest serving PM and with the nickname, ‘King Dick’, doesn’t leave much choice in terms of the captaincy. Learning his trade in the hurly-burly of West Coast politics, he won 5 consecutive elections providing much needed ‘go forward’ ball. He entrenched Liberal reforms and passed the Old-age Pensions Act against strenuous opposition. Although he claimed to be an advocate of votes for women, he actually opposed this reform. Deserved a yellow card for that.
Caps – 13 years (1893-1906)
Number 9: E. Stafford
Politically agile and savvy, Stafford bided his time, waiting for turnover ball and became premier after Sewell (1 month) and Fox (13 days). He was able to manoeuvre through the confusion, personalities, interest and cabals of Parliamentary rucks and mauls. He was always in the thick of politics holding at one time the offices of colonial-secretary, treasurer and postmaster-general. He initiated the four Māori seats (established in 1867) although he wanted seven. Probably one of our more effective political leaders.
Caps – 9 years (1856-61;65-69; 1872)
Number 10: P Fraser
Everything you want in your number 10 - the lynchpin of the team. Fraser was skilful, at his best under pressure, able to make extraordinarily acute and penetrating judgements, he read the game well and his political intuition was unerring. He was Prime Minister during the war, facing enormous responsibilities and coping with impossible situations. Helped gang tackle Hitler. Largely regarded as New Zealand’s finest PM.
Caps – 9 years (1940-1949)
Number 11 (Left Wing): M.J. Savage
He spent his early years doing manly, labouring, left-wing jobs like mining, digging ditches and as a brewery cellarman which meant he was a strong wing in the mould of Lomu. His was a diluted socialism which was implemented as a comprehensive social welfare system when Labour won power in 1935 and again in 1938. Easily the most popular PM New Zealand has had.
Caps – 5 years (1935-1940)
Centres
There is lots of competition for these positions because much of our politics hovers around the middle of the political spectrum. Here we use the British nomenclature (despite our terminology being fractionally better) – inside centre (12) and outside centre (13) instead of second five-eighths.
Number 12: H Clark
Clark denounced the neo-liberalism of previous Labour Government but, it has been argued, she didn’t move far enough away from this legacy. Increasingly Labour and National became hard to tell apart on may issues. A solid mid-fielder, Clark was pragmatic, concerned with stability, and focused on incremental advances over the gain line rather than breaking it - good management of the status quo, but no bold ambitions. She called John Campbell a ‘sanctimonious little creep’ which is irrelevant to being an inside-centre.
Caps – 9 years (1999-2008)
Number 13: J Bolger
He pursued privatisation, labour market deregulation welfare cuts, tax reductions and the Mother of All Budgets. So far so right wing but more recently he has lamented inequality said neo-liberalism has failed and suggests unions should be stronger. He says Treaty of Waitangi settlements may not be full and final and that Māori language should be compulsory in primary schools. A combination of seemingly conflicting stands which make him hard to position except perhaps as outside-centre.
Caps – 7 years (1990-1997)
Number 14 (Right Wing): D. Lange
A selection which caught the public by surprise because he is being played out of position. Lange often came off his right wing to engage with play in the centre and left of the field, he nevertheless led a government which imposed neoliberal policies on the country. Some cabinet members later went on to found and lead the ACT Party. Had to contend with the French rather than Springbok ‘bomb squad’.
Caps – 5 years (1984-1989)
Number 15: K Holyoake
Vice-captain as he was the first officially designated Deputy PM. ‘Steady as she goes’ encapsulates Holyoake’s pragmatic approach. He moved pretty much in tune with public opinion. Generally regarded as solid and a safe pair of hands – he adopted a low-key approach to managing the economy. He was committed to private enterprise and opposed state control but also protested French nuclear testing, fought apartheid and acted on the Hunn report to address Māori disadvantage. Pretty good under the high ball that was Vietnam in that he committed just enough to keep the Americans happy. Controversially appointed ‘referee’ by Muldoon in 1977.
Caps – 12 years (1960-1972)